Kamillah Dian

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Harder than it looks

So, this is why people don't study anymore!

I did not think this through.  It's mega hard.  Really hard.

My masters degree in creative writing is still proving to be a real obstacle.  However, I seem to have overcome my writers block.  I have done this by breaking up prose that I'm working on into separate word documents, reading short stories, small chapters of different genre books one after the other, listening to music, and also connecting my laptop to a larger screen.  Don't ask why this changes things.

It's been difficult.  In fact it has been heartbreaking.  The one thing you believed you would be able to do for the rest of your life.  And, instead you have blank word documents and no words on the page. This is your future.  And it's blank.

I can't give up now.  Even if I don't meet my deadlines, there's no overcoming this hurdle.  Because it's not a hurdle, it's an exchange.  And the only thing I can exchange, is coursework.  Prose, reports, portfolios and essays.

That's all I can do.

It's hard though.  Harder than I thought it would be.  This has been such a long struggle, longer than I planned when I started recording this sojourn of mine.  Six years, and I'm not sure what I have to show for it.  Not even sure if what I will have, will be worth all those years of struggle.  All those years.

All that struggle.

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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Lost Somewhere

Lost Somewhere
I haven't stopped blogging, honest.   However, I had planned for some major changes and instead, I found myself lost somewhere.  And now...
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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Belief

Belief
I'm literally scraping together whatever little belief I have left in myself. I've been so through.   I've had a viral infection...
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Sunday, October 25, 2015

Fighting the tide

Fighting the tide
So I missed the deadline. And suddenly I was able to think again.  The moral of that story; I don't respond well to deadlines, or pressu...
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Sunday, September 06, 2015

Fear of Self

Fear of Self
I'm so frightened to be me. The silence is too unnerving, and often I can't think.  Can't write.  I don't want to be alone a...
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Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Nothing Really Changes

Nothing Really Changes
I've spent such a long time, believing that if I found someone to love me, things would change.  Maybe it's from being an only child...
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Monday, August 31, 2015

Occupation

Occupation
Well, I officially only have four weeks left to write my manuscript. It's not going well at all. I've been doing a lot of thinking a...
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Busy...Writing...BRB

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