Monday, August 30, 2010

The War That Tore Me

I'm going through another war with myself, and it seems to be between the old me, and the me that manifested herself during the Year of Isolation.

I can't go back to being that girl.  You don't spend months on your own with sour thoughts, and rotting ideas, you don't spend time in a small room pacing with memories, you don't spend nights awake alone, remembering the wrongs done to you... and then snap a switch and forget.

The person I am now, I understand, but I wasn't before.  I can't lie to myself.  I can't imagine laughing at the same things...at least not with the same people.  I don't want to talk to the old people in my life anymore, because they don't know the current me, they knew some girl who was disposed of by their own negligence.  They talk about the old bullshit that I've finally laid to rest.  I don't hold grudges, but push me with an ugly memory and I will snap. 

You can't go back.  Life is just like time, and you can't ever go back.  The days that are gone, can never be salvaged; lost friends should stay lost.  Time is like the water that freezes rocks, forcing them to shatter. 

All I can do is embrace the new me, and take the things I managed to salvage from the destruction.  All I can do is leave.
SHARE:

Monday, August 30, 2010

Boxes and Doubt

Boxes and Doubt
I'm being rushed off of my feet, and I really don't like it.  I've spent a meandering summer full of resolutions and personal pr...
SHARE:

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Brick wall...my head

Brick wall...my head
It's started again. So I'm trying to rejoin society, and it just feels wrong.  I reactivated my facebook account, and it just made m...
SHARE:

Monday, August 23, 2010

Uncensored

Uncensored
When I was a kid, people would either say to me, you're so polite. Or damn you're rude. It was always one or the other, and I was ...
SHARE:

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Resuscitated Not Reborn

Resuscitated Not Reborn
I have freedom papers. I have the option to go back to university, and escape this humdrum town.  Am I gonna take it... Ehh. The walking con...
SHARE:

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Making Some Changes

Making Some Changes
I finally took out my keyboard.  I forgot how huge it is, it's almost the same size as me.  It has over 5 octaves, and my desk is sturdy...
SHARE:

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Reflection & Nightmares

Reflection & Nightmares
Summer is over.  It's been the worst summer of my life, so it really doesn't make much of a difference to me.  Feels like I'll n...
SHARE:

Friday, August 13, 2010

Adaptation + Anti-Kindness

Adaptation + Anti-Kindness
I seem to be blogging day by day now, but so what I need a hobby. Decided to write about two themes today, the first being Adaptation.  Afte...
SHARE:

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Dreams Deferred

Dreams Deferred
I'm having to forfeit on Competition A because I can't afford to submit anything.  This fact forces me into an ugly reality and furt...
SHARE:

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Howdy

Howdy
For the first time in days I'm washed and dressed and breathing fairly well.  Been ill for the past few days and it's been manky.  T...
SHARE:

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Thoughts on a Tuesday

Thoughts on a Tuesday
Think I'm going mad.  There are voices in the house, and they disagree with me, and conclude: there's nowhere and nothing left.  The...
SHARE:

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Biting Awake

Biting Awake
So, it's 6 in the morning and I'm awake writing to you. I had a dream...in the early hours of the morning I guess.  I dreamt that my...
SHARE:

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Aimless Days

Aimless Days
I haven't written properly in about a week and a half, don't know why, when I look at my screen I roll my eyes and just think: NO. I...
SHARE:

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Little Time

Little Time
It's the 5th August already?! Argh!!  Life just seems to be clapping along, and I'm not doing anything except thinking before I make...
SHARE:

Sunday, August 01, 2010

The Task

The Task
I decided to break everything down. Much easier this way. Writing: Competition A- Poetry (August) Competition B- Short Story (September) Co...
SHARE:
Blogger Template Created by pipdig