Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Brick wall...my head


It's started again.

So I'm trying to rejoin society, and it just feels wrong.  I reactivated my facebook account, and it just made me feel strangely competitive.  But this is what happened last year, all these network sites just acted as a distraction and I ended up not getting anything done.

My blog does feel a bit different, because I mostly feel like an idiot if I have no progress to record.  So on with the progress...uh, there's none?  I pulled out all of my stuff and tried to think of what to take.  But there is way too much to think of, and I just became overwhelmed with the idea of uni, socialising, and studying again.  No job yet.

I have 3 weeks, and a few days.  I look a mess, I haven't left the area in ages, I feel like a child.  It's too much to fix, in too short a time.  I can't start uni as I am now, a social cripple.  

Writing: Aha!  I went to add to a short story I've been writing, which I have found difficult.  It's a fairly complex storyline, and I find twists difficult to incorporate into work, because they have to be skillfully inserted earlier  in the plot.  But if it's not subtle, it just looks like a mess, and the story becomes a joke.  I'm very critical, and I rip most of my stories to pieces which is why they don't make it far. 

Anyway, I went to edit this story and it was literally, gone, like wiped from my laptop, which seriously vexed me.  I've started writing it again, I don't have time to sulk, but I'm very worried about how I'm going to make this year work.  I have no energy, and only the burning memory of failure to spur me on.

I have a 2200 word story that needs to be written and submitted before the 17th September.  I also need to come up with some great ideas for the November deadline...uhuh joy.  Tbh it would be smarter to get these stories written up before I go to uni, so I can give 90% my attention to studying, and 10% to writing.  Sorry xxx
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