Wednesday, August 11, 2010


For the first time in days I'm washed and dressed and breathing fairly well.  Been ill for the past few days and it's been manky.  The job situation isn't any better, the money situation is a lot lot worse.

I have lost control of my life, and my only control is to write, and submit.  However I haven't been able to write in about a week.  My sleep pattern regulated and I now wake up automatically at 7.30.  I wake up, wash and dress, and fresh faced I stare at blank paper and a blank screen.

And then I surf the net.  I've come to the conclusion that the internet is definitely man's worse creation.  And the most dangerous and destructive.  I no longer find educational material online, instead all I find is a haven for racism, ignorance, prejudice and straight up stupidity.  And what frightens me the most is that the internet has now become a necessity in life.  Even for a job, I have to check my email.  Back in the day, when I was young, employers would ring you.  Or write.  But no, now everything is via email.

Half the information that I do need passes by word of mouth, not the stinking net.  Damn, damn, damn.  I spend most days either feeling fear, or sadness, because I'm not sure what's going to happen to me.  I've wasted so much time getting started, and my plan to jumpstart my life and get back on top feels impossible.  August 2011?!  Really?

Doubt.  If I can't even do the task which is supposed to be my bread and butter, how am I going to conquer by 2011?

Discovery.  So I turned off my laptop for 2 hours and surprise surprise I found myself writing.  Guess I'm more old fashioned than I thought.  Maybe if I start restricting the amount of time I'm online, I will get more work done. 

Hopefully I will come back with some progress.

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