Sunday, August 15, 2010

Reflection & Nightmares


Summer is over.  It's been the worst summer of my life, so it really doesn't make much of a difference to me.  Feels like I'll never escape this humdrum town full of misery and memories.  I can't seem to free myself.

Everyone is getting on with their lives, and I'm stuck.  I can't find my freedom papers to get out of here.  So I'm forced into worry every day, realizing that time is running out.  This anxiety rides with me, straight into sleep, manifesting into dreams and nightmares.

The nightmares have been with me all my life, and they're usually the same: that someone is trying to kill me.  It's the chase, the hunt that forces me awake.  The nightmare I had last night saw me descending into darkness in an elevator.  I've had about three nightmares with elevators, and I have no fear of elevators.  But last night, I had to fight someone...someone who surpassed my abilities by epic proportions, and I was ill prepared and equipped.  I couldn't fight them, and I needed help.

I always wake up, wondering what it is that I'm supposed to do.  Nothing seems to make sense unless I'm asleep, but when I am, there are things there that I don't quite understand, and the same on and on message of running away.  I don't know what is expected of me.

Am I supposed to write about these nightmares? 

I don't write anymore.  I write my diary, I write this blog, but I can't think of characters, because like my acquaintances they are all gone.  They run from me, they do not like me, and I no longer like them.  I speak to no one; I know no one.  

It's time to leave.  
But I need my freedom papers to get out.
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