Saturday, August 20, 2011

Frenemies


The other day, in the midst of my travels, I spotted one of my friends enemies bitches frenemies.  She was someone I'd known for years, but after a while, during the worst summer of my life I stepped back and realized that, you know what, not only is this girl not really my friend, she doesn't even like me.  It's a hard thing to do, casting friends from your life.  In  some ways I'd even advise you against it, because it literally is like scraping away your history, and removing elements of yourself.  Certain jokes aren't funny anymore, places that you once enjoyed turn sour, and friendship groups can swiftly turn into uncomfortable stares from strangers.





It was one of the hardest things I had to do.  I'd already lost several of my closest friendship groups, and now having to bin one of my oldest friendships seemed like the final straw.  I had to sit and think, of all the reasons why this person was no longer my friend.  Everyone says, cut people out of your life if they're no good for you, you will move on and find new people.  That's rubbish.  I mean you can make the effort and find ways to interact with new people, but in no way does that mean they'll be a suitable replacement for your lost friend.  It also doesn't mean that these new people will want you, or have a vacancy for a new friend.  Sometimes it comes down to luck. 





It was losing my friends, that effectively made me lose part of my self.  I was depressed, lost, and became a recluse, not wanting to leave the house and remember.  It's funny how other people's influence, can ultimately shape us as people.  Of course now I'm fine.  Now I'm mostly a vengeful spirit, hell bent on getting what's mine, and refusing to let anyone prevent my own destiny or success.





However, seeing this old frenemy did make me falter, momentarily.  I had to quickly run through a list of reasons why she could no longer be my friend, and unfortunately the cons more than outweighed the dwindling pros.  I've compiled a short list of mine, but maybe there are some I'm missing?  









  • There are serious
    elements of this person that you do not like, but you don’t bring them up as it
    would cause an argument.

  • You can think of
    five reasons you dislike this person in a minute.

  • You find that you
    don’t actually like them,
    just who
    they used to be to you.

  • You feel as if they
    are trying to compete with you, rather than support you.

  • They always talk about themselves.

  • They only enjoy
    conversations concerning you, if something bad is happening to you.

  • They tell other
    people your business.

  • You don't trust
    them.  You also don't trust them around
    your boyfriend/ prospective partner/ crush

  • You have to prevent
    yourself from openly insulting them during a conversation.

  • You start thinking
    of excuses to cancel dates with them.

  • You feel like
    you're giving way too much within your friendship.  You feel that they
    give you nothing in return.

  • You don't want to
    go shopping with them, or tell them where you have bought certain
    clothes. 

  • You are friends with them out
    of habit, not out of choice. 

  • You feel that they are using
    you, or that they drop you when other friends are around.

  • You refer to this person in
    expletives in your mind.





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9 comments

  1. My motto is that if someone isn't adding anything to your life, they need to be out of it. Point blank. You can't surround yourself around negativity and being a habitual friend isn't a real friendship. You should like the person you hang with, you know? I've had to learn what friendships are worth fighting for and which ones aren't and sometimes it's a tough lesson to learn.

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  2. your summary of frenemy criteria is awesome...your words are to the point :O I re-thought about my friends with this list..."are there frenemies?"

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  3. @Carrymel, that's so true, sometimes I find it easy to see the signs, and cut people off, just like that. What hurt on this occasion was I couldn't because we'd been good friends for years and everything changed subtly, so I don't think I could actually believe what was happening! X

    @Sinley, lol thanks, I hope that none of your friends are frenemies, its not a nice situation to get caught up in :) X

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  4. I agree with Carrymel. Totally agree with her.
    I lost a friend once, too and it was horrible! Yes, like loosing apart of myself - a huge part of me. It took me a long while to recover, too...
    I love your list - I may need to note that list down when it comes to my friends.

    Nequia xox

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  5. MAN this post is SO real. Losing a great friend is like losing a boyfriend. Being around them is awkward & feelings always remain and are hard to get rid of. But I always say if someone doesn't have your best interest in mind -- let them go. Because if they can't lift you up, they can only bring you up. When your friends are GREAT you'll aspire to be great =].

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  6. I love this post. It aso works in relationships. Whenever I question my relationship or friendship wth someone, I make a pro & sons list. If the cons list ever out weighs the pros, we have a problem. Me & this other person need to have a serious discussion.
    Thanks for posting this.

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  7. @Nequia lol I need that list in my purse, and to read and repeat it like therapy. It's a collection of my old friends' worst traits which made me regard their behaviour as unacceptable. X

    @Kimberly Michelle, yes you're right it's like losing a boyfriend, or a family member; they won't be at your wedding, see your proud happy moments, it's just a space that's there. But there's no point in holding someone up, when they only pull you down. X

    @Sam, I know, it's so easy for me to avoid these discussions though, I hate confrontations :p but these situations always have a way of coming to a head where it's either words or blows being exchanged, and I guess words are the better option :p X

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  8. I believe in surrounding yourself with positive things and positive people only.. the rest (frenemies) shouldn't counted. Its hard to let a friend go, but sometimes that's just the best thing to do...
    xo

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  9. @lil miss Sauniya, yes that's true, although I don't think there's such a thing as an overly negative friend, or an overly positive friend. The problem is when the negatives of a person that features in your life outweigh their positives, and begin to affect you that you realize that they need the boot lol X

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