Wednesday, June 06, 2012

Goodbye May


Well that was good.  In my defence, I had exams.  And stress.  And all that jazz.


I don't really know what to say, what to mention.  I'm out in the wilderness, losing sight of old dreams.  I read somewhere that every 7 years of your life you will enter a new phase.  So basically from the age 0-7, 7-14, 14-21 and so forth, you'll change your goals, your attitude, your beliefs.

I agree with that.  And I can see that age 21-28 is going to be, well interesting.  Mostly due to being lost in some dark struggle between ages 14-21 I wake up every day not really knowing who I am, or what I want, or what I can do, or what I will do.  The only thing I know how to do is struggle.  Struggle and survive. 

I thought I was supposed to be a writer.  Actually, I used to know that I was a writer.  But I actually have nothing to write about except pain, and I have no interest in writing about that.  I actually entered a writing competition in May, in the midst of my exams.  Was genuinely surprised by my determination to sit and finish something.  Unfortunately I didn't win the competition.  The funniest thing was I had convinced myself that once I'd entered this competition that was it, and all that struggle, all that battling and tenacity was going to amount to something.  Something other than disappointment that is. 

It's strange waking up after 23 years to realize that you've learnt a whole lot about nothing. 


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