They were both the same age as me.
One died in a fire. The other committed suicide.
I feel as if my world is rocking on its axis, like something colossal is about to happen, and every night I lie awake in fear, because I have no idea what it is. When someone you know dies too soon, your perspective on life can shift. As the people I know were my age, somehow their deaths made a mockery of the pain of my existence. One was a graduate from my course. She had everything I wanted out of life: the beginnings of a career, a boyfriend who loved her dearly, a loving family and genuine happiness. And then she died.
The other did what I lack the courage to do; he took his own life. However the irreversible action he took has robbed me of all sense of escape and freedom that suicide once evoked in me. When I think of him, I am genuinely upset that I will never see him again. I won't be able to speak to him again. He is frozen in his youth, in death, and he won't age, it's all over. Forever.
So often I have thought that death and an end to suffering is what I wanted. Now I don't know what I want.
But there's something about the word forever that frightens me. And I see now that I must do something. Soon. There doesn't seem to be much time.
Rest In Peace
Greg
Sophie
xxxxxxx
