The Blue Door

There is a blue door.

It's so cold to touch.  I can smell the sea.  

I press my face to its surface.  I close my eyes.  I don't look behind me.  I can't.  

Behind the blue door there are answers to a few wishes.  There is all the strength, willpower and creativity I will need.  Most importantly there is hope.

So now I'm 24.

What's going down?? 

Something.  I feel very different.  For the first time I feel how I felt when I was 17.  Capable, and defiant.  In control.  

And wanting success.   

Was lovely to see Obama re-elected on my birthday.  Congrats to the US, relief for the rest of the world for the next four years anyway.  

I broke up with the person I was seeing.  I don't feel bad.  But for the first time, I feel like a guy.  Like a bad guy.  I feel like an ex, who actually broke my heart.  Who broke up with me for no good reason.  But I see that love isn't something you can control, and just because someone loves you doesn't mean you will love them.  And if that is the case, well...I had to get out of the situation immediately.  And right now I'm in the delicate balance of possibly loving someone else.  But it's all very early.  And nerve racking.  It could suddenly be something, or it could remain as nothing.

Patience, is not my forte.