Tuesday, March 19, 2013

And then we shift

I entered a writing competition last night.  The Mslexia Short Story Competition.  *gasp I actually shared something...*

It's a reworked entry of a story I wrote before.  It was originally called Kalamata Olives and I entered it for the Jeremy Mogford Prize, but it was unsuccessful.  Originally it was a bit rushed, so I went over it minutes before the deadline before submitting.  I don't know.

I don't like talking about my writing so much.  Everyone in my Creative Writing Class likes to talk and discuss and share, but I just feel cautious.  I'm not blowing my own horn I don't think I'm some amazing writer who is above feedback, criticism and discussion.  I just feel like writing is the purest form of art other than dancing to me, and sometimes all this discussion acts as a type of corruption.  Maybe corruption is a strong word.  Maybe a haze.   A haze and I can't see truth anymore.  

Sometimes our weekly tasks are just to write anything for an exercise.  I used to be able to do this.  But now...there is a shift.  I don't like this.  I don't like this exercise at all.  It is described as a form of practice, building one's understanding of technique.  I see it as procrastination.  I feel like I've been procrastinating my entire life.  

My friends have bought cars, houses, and are engaged.  I am knocking on 25 and I'm a broke student.  I then go to these writing classes once a week, in the middle of the night, exhausted and am told to write an exercise about 'escaping.'  I could submit a diary entry, it would be the same shit that I write every day.  

I got 55/100 for my last assignment.  Poor.  I have missed a few classes too.  My interest is fading.  I don't know what's happening.  

I am tired of thinking and dreaming.  I want to do and live.  And want no restrictions.

I can't believe that I'm considering dropping out of my writing class.  After I desired and wished for it so much.  Now, I don't know if I need it.  

Or maybe I just need a holiday.  

Anyways onwards.  I know I don't update this blog as frequently as I should.  I'm in the middle of the storm at 'Real University', I have a dissertation, 3 reports, 1 portfolio and 2 exams due all before May 9th.  So before that date, God knows how frequent updating will be.  

I will quickly say that I want to enter another writing competition, and am considering writing a play... But that's about all I can say at this time.  There's too much going on and I don't want the haze to come over me.  


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