Anxiety. True Anxiety.

I've never felt so anxious.

I'm trying to negotiate my way into an apartment.  The fees are extortionate, I have no idea how I will do this.  How I can do this... in 21 days.

I just want to run away and hide.  Hide and cry.

And give up.

But the further I march out into the field of ambition, I realise that there is no room, no space, no opportunity to surrender.  My coursework remains incomplete, my sleeping pattern ruined, my motivation nil.  

My new job starts this Saturday. 

I'm taking too long to get to where I need to get to.  And my fear is almost strong enough to devour me.    I just want to be complete.  And happy.

Happiness is forever elusive, and anxiety has gripped hold of me.  Lock tight.  This can't be my existence.  

Help, help, help.