Thursday, June 05, 2014

Finish Line

I have been writing more blog posts recently.

This is because, similarly to the time that I was secluded in my room in the countryside with no friends and zero interaction, my flatmates have all moved out, I am not working, not at uni and subsequently have no one to talk to.

Of course I speak to my friends via text and Facebook chat, and all that.

But it's not the same.

I am really scared of the 'month' June.  I decided early on that I need to start drawing lines under things.  All these tasks and commitments seem to be sprawling across time, and eventually, some things need to finish

I wanted to finish all my coursework, prepare my dissertation, 'get a new job' and move into my new place before June ends.

That's starting to look really unlikely, and the disappointment and dread are welling up in me.  I seem to have lost a lot of momentum.  I am so scared of being in this house alone that I am unable to sleep till about 4am, that's when my mind deduces that it's safe to sleep.  The past three days I've woken up at 1 in the afternoon.  I do nothing in the day apart from wash my dishes and cook and then search for new listings.  They are few and far between.  

By the time it's early morning (for instance, it's 2:20am right now) it's too quiet for me to do anything without feeling guilt for disturbing my neighbours, so I just lie watching dvds and cartoons with my headphones on.

However, I am now effectively running out of time BIG TIME.  My job is starting the Saturday after next, and I'm going to have a whole lot less time to myself.  That means less time for packing, less time for house searching and less time for completion of coursework.


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