Wednesday, July 02, 2014

All I Have to Do is...

That's been my mantra all of June, and now the beginning of July. 

Life, real life and progression, can sweep you off your feet.  For the first time in what feels like years, I'm actually walking on some stepping stones.  (I hope) There are moments of real stress, panic, happiness, insecurity, contentment, doubt, and then...true belief.  True faith.

I moved out of my house a couple of days ago.  Was very stressful thanks to all the hours I've been putting in at the new job, but it felt right.  Easy does not enter adult life.  Now I'm trying to iron out some issues (financial ones mostly) and get into my flat by the end of the week.  

The actual flat feels like a far away dream.  When I wrote about finding it back in June, my internal doubt had convinced me that I wouldn't get it.  I was sure that I wouldn't be allowed to have it due to credit/income issues.  Yet here we are.  

I keep telling myself every day, every other hour...All I have to do is...

Get into the flat. 

Pay back so and so.  Call up the bank.  Call up internet company.  Call up work.  Go to work.  Get paid.  Write to uni.  Email uni.  Call uni.  Write portfolio.  Send portfolio.  Get into the flat.

Get into the flat.

What happens after I get into the flat?

I'm hoping a better life.  

I have been envisioning for the longest time that all I need is a room of one's own.  Ms Wolfe said it best.  Then   I'll finally be able to have the one thing I have been missing for so long: a sense of security.  Of stability.  And from there, I dream that I'll be able to write, to create, to work, to grow.  To produce.  

All I have to do is...

Get into the flat.

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