Thursday, August 28, 2014

Reincarnation

I've lived this life too long, and I'm ready to step out of it. 

As if I could pull it off, toss it in a recycling bin, and pull on something else.  These are not suicidal thoughts, more reinvention thoughts.

I just want to start again.

I want to strip away all the old emotions I used to have and just be a new me.  A me with a cleaner slate.  I can't drag around anymore baggage.  I just want to offload it all.  I can't carry anymore; I'm weak.  

I go back to uni in about three weeks time.  Or at least I'm going to Ibiza in three weeks time.  I don't feel ready.  For the first time since I was seventeen, I don't like the way I look.  I just seem so unremarkable I just want to hide.  

If I had somehow got my life in order, and could work out and pamper myself, maybe I'd feel a little bit more confident.  I used to have so much pizazz, but following the latest 'relationship disaster' I just feel...unremarkable.  And lost.  And like there is no happiness left for me.  And that there will be no happiness anywhere for me.  I've been running, and running, and running, and still have found nothing.   

If only it were possible to start again.  

Start again and forget everything that brought me pain.  Everything and everyone.
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Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Fundamental Doubts

Fundamental Doubts
I've had a new doubt- a fundamental doubt- emerge in me. I'm not sure that I want to do the MA in Creative Writing. Ah. Can you beli...
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Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Someone Up There Hates Me

Someone Up There Hates Me
Still can't get right. When it comes to assignments for 'real uni' I just can't get my shit together. Despite changing cours...
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Friday, August 01, 2014

Choices

Choices
The end of July was highly unpleasant. I was made redundant/sacked/screwed by the restaurant. It kind of confirmed why I've never gone f...
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