Friday, September 12, 2014

And things seemed to be going so well

With every positive, a nasty negative seems to be laying in wait round the corner.

My uni won't let me register until some arbitrary date next week, which delays my student funding severely.  They have also capped my re sits despite me submitting mitigating circumstances which means all and yes I mean all of my results are utter shite.

I owe several people money, all who have been promised their money by next week.

I definitely need to find a new job.  My current job is riddled with problems, and I can see that I need to bail quickly.  Too much pressure up in here.

I am frightened and I am tired.  I am so tired of debts.  I seem to just keep stalking out further and further into a world of debt.

And so it begins!

It's no wonder I never look forward to starting uni.  They fuck up my finances constantly and then look at me surprised when my coursework isn't done.  Why would I want to do it after arguing on the phone and sending out a barrage of emails just to get what should have been sorted weeks ago?

I'm so tired.  I must be masochistic.

Who willingly volunteers themselves for this amount of bollocking stress, year in year out?  What's wrong with me?  I should have quit. Quit, quit, quit.


And so, now, comes the really hard part.  Having to think of a new route, to get to the promised land. That's all I ever do.  I spend so much time plotting and scheming my survival I run out of time to actually just live and enjoy my life.

For God's sake this was supposed to be the easy part.  I told myself, bust your arse and get into the MA course, and pass uni.  Get into the flat, and get a job.  You'll make it.  And then you can have a nice little holiday to Ibiza and you can begin this new streamlined life of just work, work, work and uni, uni, uni.  

But no.  That would have been too easy.  Far too easy.

I can't make the impossible possible again.  I can't.

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