Tuesday, December 02, 2014

The Road Gets Smoother

Almost made it to the end of first semester.

It has been difficult.  I attend two universities and have two jobs.

I've had little time to see my friends, and my interactions at the MA course and my new job have had to supplicate my social life.

I am finally reading again.  Reading, and reading.  Still, not as frequently as I would prefer.  Haphazard reading.  Short stories are easier.  I've started reading five novels and haven't completed a single one.

I had dreams for next year.  A sketchy idea of returning to London, getting a job, and commuting maybe.  That dream is slowly expiring in my mind now.  There's no room for that dream.

The doors to love and friendship are slowly closing on me.  I realised that unless there's some divine intervention in my life (and I'm not knocking it, I have experienced plenty of interventions) I'm not going to find love in 'this' life.  By 'this' life I do mean the current life I'm living now.  Under close examination I'd be able to divide my life into different modes and states.  There was my childhood in London, my teenage years in the countryside, my return to London and the breakdown that followed, my move to the South West, my embarkment on the Creative Writing Diploma, and now the MA.  That makes about 6 lives now.

There is no love in this 6th life.  There is just work.  And tight smiles.

I apologise for all the fragmentations.  I'm not trying to be 'deep' or anything, I just...need to write.  And understand myself a bit better, to keep going.

At my new job we listen to the radio.  I find myself becoming serene, just listening to some of the 'golden oldies' music.  Serene and inspired to write.

I really need to go back to a world without internet...Or maybe semi without.

Some of my financial woes have been sorted out, and today I've had another bit of good news so I think I might actually make it (famous last words).  Make it and more, really.  

But anyway, what have I been reading?

Roald Dahl- Kiss Kiss.  It's a collection of short stories, very good.  I love Roald Dahl, and I remember being frightened by his books as a child.  Particularly George's Marvellous Medicine.  My favourite was probably the Twits though, I love dysfunctional families.

Joyce Carol Oates- Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?  Really frightening short story, worth a read.

Karen Russell-The Graveless Doll of Eric Mutis Pretty chilling story, to do with bullying and repression.  Has great character development too.  

And currently... I'm reading Joyce Carol Oates Black Water, which is a short easy read.  However I haven't finished it because I keep reading other things, and keep having other things to do and before you know it...A day and another day has passed and no real progress.  

Too many eggs in the basket. 

And I must tend to all of them. 

Till next time xx

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