Monday, August 31, 2015


Well, I officially only have four weeks left to write my manuscript.

It's not going well at all.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about the manuscript.  But I am struggling to write the manuscript.  I can't really think of what goes where.  I've lost some amount of confidence, to write what I need to write.

And the silence frightens me.

I pick up books, and put them down.  I read a few sentences, and then I watch a youtube video.  I watch movie trailers.  Video game cutscenes and puzzles.  My mind is overflowing with images, phrases and scenes.  I don't know what it is that I'm waiting for, I just know that I'm fucking up royally.

I always do this because I despise deadlines.

The most frustrating thing is that I know that I want to be a writer.  I've always known that, but now it seems clearer and clearer everyday.  The only problem, is my life.  My reality, is crumbling around me, and I must save it.  It has been too many years of confusion and chaos, and I'm not willing to go back to that.

Currently as it stands, I hopefully only have one more academic year at Real Uni left.  I now have a decent paying job (which unfortunately will not fit in with uni lectures).  The only thing missing is a new flat.  A car.  And a savings account.

We were so close to getting right.

But in a month's time, all those plans are going to disappear.  And Real Life will kick in once more and get mashed up.  Why can't I write? 

I can't even get the word documents open.  I like to watch tv shows, and distract myself with other stories.  

I can't write.  

Sometimes I think that fear stems from the knowledge that this is what I'm supposed to be doing.  I'm supposed to be a writer.  It's who I am supposed to be.  And maybe that's why so much of my life hasn't fallen into place, because this whole time I haven't been doing what I'm supposed to be doing.  

Or maybe it's because I'm stressed.  I'm always at work (2 jobs) and when I come home my mind is all abuzz from the office.  I can barely think of what to eat, let alone plotlines, character development, twists and witty dialogue.

If I could, I would quit work and write full time.  But I can't.  We are straying into the world of fantasy, and I'm firmly entrenched in reality.  And all its financial ties.  

Till next time, I guess.  The countdown continues.  


Sunday, August 16, 2015

Maybe It's Just Time to Go

Maybe It's Just Time to Go
Old dreams make way for new dreams.   And maybe it's time to dream a new dream. Maybe it's time to leave the UK, finally.  While I s...

Saturday, August 15, 2015

Killing Time

Killing Time
It's been a while. I'm not sure where to start, or what to say really.   The one thing I do know is that, something has definitely c...
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